I know, breakups can be hard. But when it’s two friends parting ways, there is a lot more heartbreak and heartache involved. Even though broken and failed friendships hurt terribly, they teach us really valuable lessons that we might not be able to fully appreciate when we’re hurting, but someday, we will.
Yesterday, I wrote about the lessons that I’ve learnt from friendships in my life. Today, I chose to write about the other side of that coin because Yin cannot exist without Yang. We cannot ignore the part that failed friendships play in our growth as an individual.
Here’s what I learnt from my failed friendships:
1. Know what your saturation point is.
There is only so much that we, as humans, can and should put up with. If any of your friendships are taking a negative toll on your mental or emotional health, then it’s time to confront them about it or take a break. Always remember that you have to establish a strong relationship with yourself and respect yourself enough to know where to put a full-stop to the negativity in your life.
2. You’re not who you once were, and neither is your friend.
Time is a funny thing. It’s going to change people in ways that you may or may not like and vice-versa. So if one of you is still holding on to the person you used to be back when you first became friends, they’re going to get disappointed majorly. It is so important to understand how time and circumstances can change people and no one is to blame here.
3. Being alone is not as terrible as you think.
Funny how high-school makes you think that running with the popular cliques and having the entire school clamouring to be friends with you is the only thing that you have going for you. Take that away and where would you be in life? All alone. And it’s not such a bad thing if you are comfortable being in your own space. Be your own best friend. Don’t confuse the fear of loneliness to the fear of being alone; they’re not the same thing.
4. Things don’t always work the way we want them to.
You might have made all the plans in the world with your friend(s), but the fact remains that things can change in a heartbeat. When a friend you made all these plans with is no longer in your life, it’s the most natural and human thing to feel broken about it. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. There is always something better in store for us, even if we cannot always see it.
5. It is okay to put yourself first.
When you choose to walk out on a friendship because you were tired of the same drama over and over, it’s okay. So, you chose to take care of your mental health over going through one more episode of the same emotional roller-coaster that leaves you feeling like you’ve reached your breaking point! What about it? You’re not selfish, understand that. You’re only human. You can choose yourself.
If you’re hurting over a friend right now as you read this, I’m sorry you had to lose a friend. It’s never easy and it never gets easier, no matter how many friends you’ll have to let go of in your lifetime. But failed friendships are often a blessing in disguise. You may not want to hear this right now, but you’ll see the light someday.
Just don’t be too harsh on yourself.
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