There are so many things that we have, somehow, internalized along the way and it is so hard to unlearn some of these things because there is always this one part of our brain screaming, ‘No! This isn’t a big deal!’, but the truth is that it is a really big deal, and whether we know it or not, we always end up making ourselves feel terrible for things that we can’t really help.
I talked about how we’re really harsh on ourselves, sometimes, yesterday, and I did not expect people reaching out to me and telling me that they needed to hear that more often. It’s quite sad, really, to think about how we all fall victim to things that we have internalized by just observing the kind of environment we were subjected to, when we were growing up. It wasn’t until much later that it occurred to us to actually question some of the unhealthier things and change the way we look at ourselves and the world.
But, the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can’t really seem to let myself off the hook; I put myself under the light of criticism, maybe a little too harshly. I guess it really is easy to say things to people when you need to comfort them and tell them that everything is going to get better, so why is it so difficult when it finally comes to telling myself the very same thing?
I find myself telling my friends who doubt themselves that it’s okay to not know where you’re headed right now, that it’s okay to take a day off and focus on getting better, that it’s okay to be angry about things that they can’t really do anything about, that it’s okay to change or not change something about their appearance, that it’s okay to want things that are beyond reach sometimes, that it’s okay to have bad days, that it’s okay to go through slumps and not feel motivated to do anything in particular.
So why do I keep pushing myself even on the days when I can barely hold myself up? Why do I think that the things I do aren’t as polished as everybody else, when they actually are? Why do I never appreciate myself for everything I am capable of? Why do I put myself through that? Why does anybody?
The answer, I think, lies in accepting ourselves for who we have been, who we are, and everything that we will be someday, while still knowing that we are allowed to change yourself for the better if that is what makes us happy. We spend way too much time trying to whip ourselves into a shape that could fit into the mould that the world wants us, so badly, to fit into. But we also need to understand that we shouldn’t push ourselves to a limit where fitting into that mould becomes our only goal.
There are so many other things that help shape you into who you want to be, and the person you are right now is still growing, still changing, and still the truest version of you that will ever exist. You changing something about yourself to become better does not change the fact that you’re still you. Maybe a changed version of you, but you still remain who you truly are, at your core.
And nobody, no matter how much they claim they do, knows you better than yourself.
So, hey, if you want to change something about yourself because that would make you happy, don’t let anything stop you. But, if you’re doing this just because it’s what you’re expected to do, please pause for a second and ask yourself if this is something you want, or something that you’re doing because there’s some mould you’re expected to fit into.
You’re amazing, just the way you are, and you’re going to stay that way, no matter what you choose for yourself. Just make sure you do that on your own terms.
The Shubhster. Xx