How do I put emptiness in words?
For it comes to me,
Wearing the face of a friend,
Bearing smiles that could blind the sun,
Arms inviting a warm embrace,
Until the daggers are plunged in deep,
Any warmth that thawed me, drained,
I try to reason where there is none,
Betrayed by a familiar face.
Emptiness comes to me in a friendly face.
How do I sing of emptiness?
It cripples me,
I am left with no words to say,
The silence hovers, engulfing,
No melodies play,
A voice that once sang no longer does,
No sound escapes my lips,
Couldn’t even if I had willed it so,
It all dies on my tongue, unsaid.
And emptiness comes to me in words left unsaid.
Where do I hide from the emptiness?
For it finds me hidden
In the corners I fear the most,
Shrunken into myself,
Nowhere it cannot find me,
For it knows my sanctuaries,
Every remote corner of my mind,
Hot on my trail, wherever I go,
The only one who followed, the cruellest irony.
Emptiness finds me wherever I go.
How do I leave emptiness behind?
For it remains an open wound,
Ugly and gaping on my soul,
Never healing, forever bleeding—
I fear I have not much to live,
Pale as this sheet I write on
In ink like this void I feel,
Not knowing if I’ll be whole again,
Unsure if I ever will.
And emptiness comes to me in the scars I carry.
How do I tell you what emptiness is like?
For it drowns me,
And I cannot breathe,
Sinking to its icy depths,
Screams muffled and struggling,
It’s the last thing I’ll ever see
Before my vision goes dark,
I’ll fall, and I’ll fall,
I’ll fall into its arms with no way out.
Emptiness comes to me in the silence of dark.
How do I chase emptiness away?
For it comes to me
Suffocating and loud
In the midst of a sea of faces,
In the middle of lively crowds;
All these voices call out to me,
Like some distant memory,
And I would let them take me,
Just to feel something.
And emptiness is a companion who never leaves.
~© Shubhangi Srinivasan.