It’s funny how when you’re doing something you actually care about, you go over it multiple times. You begin to second guess every single detail and suddenly you find a bunch of things that need to be changed because your work needs to be perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever been obsessed with this degree of perfection until I had to work on this project a week ago. I’ve been going over the same document again and again to make sure that there aren’t any errors because I would rather submit something late than have an embarrassing amount of errors in it.
The thing is, there really weren’t an embarrassing amount of errors.
I am fairly confident about my skills as a writer, but this last week has taken a toll on my peace of mind. It’s just that, the more I dig into my work, the more I doubt that I have done a fair job at all. I keep waking up from dreams thinking that I submitted a document filled with too many errors and that it just created a massive problem. I hope this wasn’t the case, but I am glad that I have the chance to be thorough about my work. I have spent almost every single day in the last week sitting in front of my laptop and going over the same document.
I know it shouldn’t take me so long, but sometimes you just have to be sure that you go through everything, especially when it is a project that you’ve worked so hard for.
I have to say, I didn’t ever anticipate how much work would go into this, but I am very happy to be working on this project because it is something I have wanted for a really long time. Seeing it take shape in front of me makes things so much more significant. I would willingly spend a couple more weeks like this if it meant I had to deliver my very best. But I don’t really have that kind of time on my hands right now. I need to submit this as soon as possible if I need anything done on time. I’m just hoping it goes well.
I understand what comes with giving your 100% to a project that means a lot to you. It seems like a fairly simple thing on the surface and many people will try to tell you that your work really isn’t such a big deal after all. But you really don’t know what something is like until you’ve experienced it for yourself.
People telling me that my work wasn’t actually difficult at all made me feel like I was lacking somewhere. It used to make me feel as though I was doing something wrong, as though I was going about everything wrong. But the thing is, people who have never done what you do don’t really get a say in whether you’re taking too much time to do something or otherwise.
People do work at their own pace, after all.
It’s okay to find your pace along the way. It’s okay to make sure that your work is well done, and it is okay to go over it until you’re confident about your work. But at the end of the day, always remember that you’re only human and if something does manage to slip past you, you shouldn’t judge yourself too harshly for it.
We’re allowed to make mistakes. We’re allowed to find our own pace.
The Shubhster Diaries 
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