I’ve seen what a broken resolve is like. Up close.
I’ve seen how it can completely incapacitate a person for days. I’ve felt the numbness creep up to me over a really long time, and eventually settle over me like the heaviest weighted blanket you could find. It was odd; it wasn’t suffocating. It just broke all of my resolve to ever move a muscle again. Honestly, I did not see the point of willing myself to get out of that space and allow myself to feel because I was so afraid of breaking down under that weight.
But you know, once I let that wave of numbness pass, and once I allowed myself to acknowledge and feel everything I was going through, the emotions broke out of me in tears that wouldn’t stop. Oddly enough, I felt really calm, afterwards. When the storm had settled and eventually died away. It’s almost as though I felt the weight lift off of my chest and drain out of me. I don’t have the right words to describe how it felt, but it was really weird, but also liberating.
And with it came the realization that tomorrow is another day for me to fight for something that I am so close to achieving. It’s so weird to me because I never thought I was a fighter, but I guess when something matters to us enough, we are willing to fight for it, tooth and nail, and whatever else is required.
I know that it may feel like things will never look up again, but sometimes, we have to be obnoxiously loud and ask for the things that we deserve. Sometimes, we have to be our own knights; whether the armour is shiny or not, it doesn’t matter.
It’s okay if you don’t think you can do it right away, but tell yourself every single day that you are entirely capable of achieving everything you’ve wanted and a lot more. Xx