If you could, would you lose yourself in love, or would you rather find yourself?
Among the world’s most heated debates exists this one which, surprisingly, has a pretty simple answer. I get it, you know? I understand why we are often confused when it comes down to these two options. Torn between choosing a love that we can lose ourselves in and a love that will help us find our true selves.
The very idea of losing ourselves to love seems extremely tempting. A love that can make us forget the world? A love that allows us to escape the ugly realities? I see the appeal. And thanks to all the unrealistic stories, songs, movies and whatnot about love, it makes sense why we think that losing ourselves counts as love at all.
Truth is, we have romanticized losing ourselves to such an extent that we now fail to see it for what it really is— toxic, harmful and emotionally draining. Sure, getting away from our harsh reality may seem like a good idea for a while. But what happens then? What happens when we completely lose sight of who we used to be once? What happens when we’re so emotionally invested, we can’t even think of our existence outside of the relationship?
Instead, imagine being in a kind of relationship where you get to grow together. The kind of relationship where you can empower and learn from each other instead of turning a blind eye to the rest of the world. Now I know that this might probably make a thousand and odd songs seem completely meaningless, but doesn’t growing not only as individuals but also as a pair seem so much better than losing yourself?
Hate to break it to you, but if you can’t let each other grow, if you can’t stick by each other through the good and the bad, if you don’t truly learn anything from being in each other’s company, then it’s not really the kind of love where you can find yourself. It’s not unrealistic; it exists.
And I really hope that we all find the people who will let us find ourselves instead of losing sight of all things important. Yes, love is all-consuming, but it won’t ever hold you back.
If anything, the purest kind of love will only be our strength. Look for it and let it find you. Don’t settle for anything less.
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