No Balance.

This poem is a little personal, I guess. I’ve just been feeling as though I have been thrown completely out of balance lately. Everything is changing at a neck-break pace and I find myself struggling to come to terms with and asking myself what on earth is going wrong in my case. There are things I want in and from life and I just cannot picture them from where I stand at the moment. It feels like the world is moving on without me, and why should time wait for me, anyway? Whatever little support I had to lean on feels like it’s all slipping so far away that I may never be able to lean on it ever again. Writing it all down in a poem is the closest I can get to coping with it.

Then again, I’ve been told that this is something a lot of people go through. I hope you’re all doing well.
Happy reading! Xx

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Off-balance,
Off-kilter,
Unhinged,
Askew,
All the synonyms in the world
And I couldn’t tell you
What this odd imbalance in me is like—
As though my feet fell through
Even, solid ground,
And there was nothing I could do.

All my battles never-ending,
My climb uphill, breathless,
Staggering , tripping over my feet,
Bruised,
Wounds open,
Barely healed,
I carry on,
The distance a small mercy,
The hell I put myself through
Finds its way back to me.

‘It is for the best,’
All my voices tell me,
For the further I go,
The more distance I keep,
Although the silence kills me—
The ground no longer solid
Gone from underneath,
Nothing to break my fall,
No arms reaching out,
No one to catch me.

Swaying,
Trembling,
A leaf in the wind,
I’ve come so far from the tree,
Left all I knew far behind,
Falling,
And falling over
A hundred more times,
It never hurt any less
Than it did the first time.

Light headed,
Spacing out,
No light in me remains,
I stumble through thorns,
I say my goodbyes,
And the storms in me,
They only rage,
Until I am but a shell
Of the one I used to be,
I’ve lost balance, not the fight in me.

~© Shubhangi Srinivasan.

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Featured Image by Faye Cornish on Unsplash