For once, I don’t feel as though my efforts are going wasted. I am just happy to be able to do what I want in life and it is a very liberating feeling. It might just be one of those passing moments where we feel like everything is all rosy and bright, and I might go back to overthinking about one of these things tomorrow. But this one good passing feeling is so important because it is a sign that I am growing and I am learning how to acknowledge my little wins enough to let the small things slide.
And writing this down is a reminder to myself, as much as it is a reminder to everybody else, that maybe things are not really going the way you wanted them to, but it is important to acknowledge whatever little progress you’ve made along the way. This isn’t about asking yourself where you went wrong and why things aren’t working in your favour. It is about telling yourself to keep doing what you love and let the good things come to you, for once.
I have been told that I set too much store by the results of what I do, but I used to think that it was normal to expect my work to do well because of all the effort that went into it. But the truth is that sometimes, things don’t really make their way up to the top overnight. Just because you’ve achieved overnight success in the past doesn’t mean you can achieve it again. It doesn’t mean you can’t, either. There is so much more to things than we are made to believe and sometimes, it is just liberating enough to let go on the need for control over everything in our lives.
All these things are so weirdly interlinked.
The need for control. The inability to let go. The constant overthinking. The need to be an over-achiever all the time.
It’s funny because I used to be that over-achieving kid, but over time, and I don’t know why, I just withdrew into a shell of myself. I am still trying to break out of that. And I’ve been told that this is a very common thing and that a lot of people actually go through it in their lives. I am just glad I am surrounded by people who remind me that I am still capable of everything that I want to achieve in life.
And the need to constantly prove myself as a person is so strong, so annoying and so time-consuming.
It just feels really nice to not be bothered about the things that usually keep me up at night. It’s nice to know that I can, in fact, do something I love and not expect really good results out of it because my work came from a place of pure self-indulgence.
This is a part of self-care and growth that I haven’t seen a lot of people talk about because they think it is so common that it isn’t big enough to be considered a problem. But it is so important to remind yourself that you are capable and that you’re allowed to do things that make you happy without expecting big results from them.
I hope you find this little bit of peace someday. I don’t know how long this feel-good thing is going to last, but I am going to make sure I remind myself about how liberating this feels every single time I feel otherwise.
Here’s to growth. Xx