I completely forgot about writing Sijo yesterday, didn’t I? Wow, it has only been three weeks.
It was supposed to be a way for me to slow down, but now that I feel more productive with every passing day, I can’t find it in myself to slow down and I just think that this is what hustle culture does to you. It makes you heady on the kind of fatigue that comes with over-exerting yourself so that, the minute you go to bed at the end of the day, you don’t have all these thoughts to keep you up like they usually would. It’s just a blanket of fatigue and and we just find ourselves drifting off to sleep on most days.
Some days, it’s a blessing. On most days, though, it’s a curse because I no longer enjoy the things that I used to before. I can no longer get myself to watch shows for longer than twenty minutes at a stretch because it somehow feels empty to me, now. I used to enjoy watching shows before. I used to enjoy photography, but it is so difficult to get back into that looking-at-things-differently state of mind, now. I hate that I have to force myself to do things I love because, at some point, I need to make a living out of it.
So, it feels like some sort of a mercy when I can just close my eyes and go to sleep these days, without a train of thoughts hitting me.
And maybe this is what satisfaction is supposed to feel like, but it’s just a distraction. It’s just a way to keep you from thinking about literally anything else you would rather be doing at the moment. It’s a way to keep you from everything you actually love. I find myself writing less and less these days because I am so preoccupied with things happening at lightning pace around me. It just feels as though I am never going to be able to catch up with everything and I am afraid that I am going to be left behind in the dirt, only to be forgotten all about, eventually.
I see more and more people falling prey to the bad side of hustle culture and it makes me really sad because art was never supposed to be something that you should feel pressurized to make.
It was always supposed to be something to cherish. It was supposed to be something that reflected our truest feelings. And now, artists feel the weight of the world on their shoulders bad enough to crush them to dust. It makes me wonder why this isn’t as widely talked about as everything else. It shouldn’t take people someone to sit them down and remind them that they are allowed to do what they truly love without all the weight of expectations on them.
And maybe someday we will be able to live in a world where art doesn’t have to be something that makes artists feel pressurized. I hope that someday we will be able to go back to making art for art’s sake, while we still keep the perks of having things a lot easier than artists used to, back in the day. It’s probably all just wishful thinking but it would just be nice to not think too much or criticize the art we make too harshly.
If you’ve been going through something similar, too, I hope we all find a way out of this soon. Life’s too short to be spending it all crying over not being able to do the things we love.