An Open Letter To Those Looking For Love.

Dear reader,

If you’ve stumbled upon this letter, chances are that you’re a hopeless and incurable romantic who hasn’t found the love they read about. It means that you’re looking for a sign that you can still find the kind of love that you probably dream about. And maybe some days are harder than the others because you find yourself hoping for what every single person around you seems to have. Maybe you’re still healing from an old heartache, but that has never stopped you from wanting to find ‘love’ for yourself, even if you’ve lost the whole idea of it by now.

There are several things that I could say to you to make you feel as though there really does exist the kind of ‘soulmate’ that you’re looking for in the people around you. Countless hours spent crying over fictional romances suddenly feel overwhelming and you yearn for that kind of love, even though it seems to elude you. It probably feels like you’re going to end up all alone, surrounded by cats (or dogs!) someday, but let me tell you that it’s not true.

wangxian

I cannot assure you that it’s going to be the meet-cute that you’ve imagined in your fiction and rom-com driven mind, but when you do find it, I hope that it’s every bit as wonderful as you deserve.

The world makes you believe that it is such a terrible thing to be alone and that you have to bend over backwards and change things about yourself to be worthy of love. The world makes you believe that you’ll never find the kind of love that you did before, but let me tell you something— for whatever reason your heart was broken in the past, if it was meant to last, it would have, no matter what the weather was. Sometimes, we end up convincing ourselves that we aren’t good enough to find the kind of love that we’re looking for, and that’s the worst kind of disrespect you could give yourself. You are far more worthy of love than the world has made you believe.

The way we understand love today is so flawed. It shouldn’t have to be this complicated, but whether we like that or not, it is complicated. When you love somebody, you love every wound, every scar, every secret that leaves the dark, every quirk, every tear and everything else that we’re made to believe are ‘imperfections’. But this is what it means to be human. This is what it means to find somebody that you share a connection with, in every manner possible. And any kind of disrespect or disregard for you or any aspect of you that comes with it should never be tolerated. I hope you always remind yourself of that every single time you try to convince yourself to settle for much less.

this one does not sppark joy

I wish there were a way to make you see that, I really do. I do not believe that you need to patch yourself up in order to find a love that will last. And likewise, I do not believe that we are meant to heal people we’re with to the point where their demons take a toll on us. There is a huge difference between building a fire to keep somebody warm and letting yourself burn to dust. I hope you can remind yourself of the difference before you tell yourself that a little compromise like that is okay. It most certainly is not.

It’s terrifying, isn’t it? The idea of never being able to find love? The people around you might call you silly for being worried about such a thing, but everybody has their own hopes and dreams, I suppose. I don’t think the people around me understand why I want to find love so badly, either. Then again, you shouldn’t feel the need to explain what you want to the world. We’re just wired that way, even if we have been given reasons to believe otherwise.

In case you’re somebody who doesn’t feel as though anybody is worthy of seeing whatever lies guarded behind all these walls that you’ve built for yourself, good for you! I can’t speak for you or what you want, but I hope you find it in yourself to somehow love yourself, even if you have a long journey ahead. I want you to find that for yourself, no matter how long it takes. And even if you can’t, I promise you that it doesn’t make you any less worthy.

be kind to yourself taylor

Love is probably one of those things that can come to you in the most unexpected of ways. You might stumble into the love of your life in a library. You might just happen to know them via a somebody of somebody. You might just end up growing in love over time. There’s no secret method to it. And it may or may not end up being like everything that you had ever wanted for it to be, but when you do find it, try not to expect a classic fairytale (but if you get one, I am so happy for you!).  There’s not much that I can say to make you feel as though there’s hope for all of us because I am not the Oracle of Delphi. I’m just some possibly shady person writing this letter that you are, for some reason, reading.

But, even though you have no reason to listen to me right now, you need to hold onto the hope that you’re going to find love someday, no matter how elusive all of it looks to you right now. The world can be a cruel place and there are enough people telling us to stop dwelling on our delusions and compromise for something that will never make you happy, but you don’t have to settle for any less. You just need to believe that you’re worthy of the kind of love you’re looking for.

It exists. The love you’re looking for exists. We probably just need to stop hoping that it’s going to walk in along with slow background music in slow motion. You’ll know when you see it. It’s understandable for so many of us to feel so disappointed because we are scared of wasting any more time over those who didn’t deserve a single minute, and it is okay to try and heal from hurt like that. But if any of my words struck a chord with you, I hope you don’t give up.

Yours truly,
Just another one of you. Xx


Featured Image by Lucrezia Carnelos on Unsplash

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