The more I think about it, the more I begin to understand that at a certain point, we are in a twisted relationship with ourselves where we can no longer try to understand our own needs. Why? Nobody knows. There is a fierce mental battle going on here and regardless of which side wins, we know it’s going to leave us exhausted because it is, after all, a battle we’re locked in with ourselves.
I think that a lot of it stems from not feeling good enough about our own abilities. My best friend told me, a couple of days ago, that it is very difficult to see others around us checking things off of their lists, especially when they are things that we wanted badly to be checked off of ours. But, for whatever reason, we find ourselves in a spot where we’re barely getting started with anything at all, and we see everyone else around us checking things off their list when it wasn’t even in their 10-year plan.
It sounds like a horrible thing to say when I put it like that, doesn’t it? But here’s the thing– we can be happy for someone’s achievements and still feel an odd sense of loss at not being able to be there in life yet. Our lives are so heavily influenced by the lives of those around us, we don’t even begin to realize how intense that is until we sit down and analyze our own relationship with ourselves. We don’t see how many things we think we want are only here because we feel like we’re somehow falling behind on this whole life thing.
The thing is, life doesn’t happen according to the rules we set down for ourselves. Things can change by the time we wake up in the morning. Things could change while we are in the middle of a deep sleep. There’s no way to tell. Life doesn’t happen the same way for everyone, so it is absolutely ridiculous that we should set deadlines for things in our lives based off of everyone else’s milestones.
This is why it is important to sit ourselves down for a chat and ask ourselves why we think we want something, and what we really want out of our lives. It is important to un-complicate this twisted relationship we have with ourselves. This dilemma that we’re caught in, wondering if we’re going wrong with our lives somewhere just because we see everyone else tick things off their list, it’s not healthy. It’s not applicable to us because our situations are very different from anyone else’s.
We’re caught between wanting to achieve the things on our bucket lists as soon as possible and wanting to give ourselves the time and space to grow. This is why we’re so harsh on ourselves. We might think that we’re lacking somewhere just because we’re going at a pace slower than everyone else around us, but we need to tell ourselves more that we’re right where we need to be in this moment.
And I’m no different.
I go through the same battles as anyone else, and I go through a lot of them in my own head. I write about it because that helps me connect with others who might be going through something similar, if not the same thing. So, in a way, you know, we’re all just complex beings with complicated lives and complicated minds.
The best we could do for ourselves is to try and build a healthy relationship with ourselves on a mental, physical and emotional level. The best we can do to un-complicate our relationship with ourselves is to stop comparing our milestones to everyone else’s.
It’s a lot of work. There is plenty of complications that we need to sort out with ourselves. But how are we ever going to get anything done if we don’t begin?
Here’s to un-complication.