It has only been two and a half weeks into the month and I’ve already had enough social interaction to last me the entire year. My battery is dangerously low and I feel like I’m going to shut down any second. Don’t worry about me, though. I’ve had a whole year’s worth of fun in the last two weeks and I just want to bury myself under blankets and fall asleep for at least half of that time! So, forgive me if I don’t have a lot of quality content to put out there. Trust me, it’s bothering me a lot more than it’s bothering anybody else.
I just don’t know how to recharge because every single day, I tell myself that I am going to take it easy, and then there’s a full-blown freak-out over the fact that I haven’t done my Mandarin lessons for the day, or that I haven’t gotten around to working on all of my WIPs which keep piling up. There’s a huge conflict between the part of me that wants to take it easy and the part of me that wants to keep hustling. I don’t think any of us are strangers to this particular feeling.
I still have 3 art WIPs, 5 poetry WIPs, and a bunch of posts in my drafts that I still haven’t gotten around to editing or completing, and I feel like I’m drowning in work. But, at the same time, I feel so numb, I couldn’t be bothered to start working on any of these. Thankfully, my clients are understanding and they haven’t set a deadline on me (yet!), but I definitely need to get working on my WIPs as soon as possible because it’s a job that needs to be done eventually. That’s something I cannot escape. I may be taking things slowly at the moment, but I know that I can get things done.
Why am I telling you all of this? Because it’s nice to use this blog as a space to vent sometimes instead of actually trying to come up with something creative or intellectual to write all the time. The whole point of being an artist and a writer is to use my art as an outlet whenever I need it, and I am glad I get to do that daily. I am glad that people are actually patient enough with me to let me go on a rant like this, once in a while, because as much as I would love to tell you that writing every day is a piece of cake, it’s not; it’s going to take up a huge chunk of your headspace and you need to be prepared for things like that.
I keep spacing out so much in the span of just a couple of minutes, these days, because I am simply unable to keep up with things, given the pace at which they’ve been going for me, lately. I’ve made a lot of spontaneous decisions and I’ve truly tried to step out of my comfort zone and all of it has definitely worn me down. I’m still trying my best to come up with quality content for my pages, but it’s hard when you’re in a weird headspace like I’m in right now.
Here’s hoping things take a turn for the better, soon!
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