‘Unfortunately, I Have Hope.’

Hi, everyone!

I’m going through a pretty tough time regarding a project that is nowhere close to seeing the light of the day. It is taking a toll on me, my creativity, and unfortunately, my writing. I have thrown myself into my day job lately so that I don’t have any time to marinate in my misery or overthink about how much of my work is currently going in vain.

But, at the same time, writing has always been here for me. So, I decided to let it all out in yet another poetic prose, today. It’s a little dark, but it is exactly what my emotions feel like, at the moment. I hope things get better soon, but that’s pretty much all I can do.

I hope you like reading this! Xx

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“Do you ever dream and watch it slip away? Do you ever chase after it, knowing it’d be in vain?

And do you ever watch yourself reach out to them, within mere inches of you, only for them to slip away all over again?

Believe me, I know. The tragedy of the nearly-there’s and almosts. It has killed me in ways I cannot put in words, and it will continue to do so. And what’s more? It’s that I have no way to control where this goes. I’ve never felt more helpless before.

All my screams keep going into the void, and I keep hoping some entity is out there to hear me out. But no help ever comes, and all there remains is the dark. All I’ve wanted is for a place in the world, and all I get are dead-ends instead. I’ve taken too many roads to count, now, but they’ve all led me nowhere yet.

And I’d hold onto hope if it took me somewhere. I’d hold on knowing my blood, sweat, and tears weren’t in vain. I send letters to nobody in particular, and hope somebody listens anyway. Believe me when I say, I know pain. I know how it feels to have everything taken away. I know what it’s like when I’ve got no say.

‘Oh, but it’s all in your head,’ and so what if it is? Do you know how hard these thoughts are to chase away? They’re louder when you ignore them, clawing into my space. Slowly, but surely tearing away at me, in little parts I won’t know are gone, until it is all but too late.

Too late. Too late.

I would hold onto hope, anyway. For that little voice begging me to not give up. For all that it took me to get to where I am. Perhaps it would not be enough. Never enough. Never the same. But I would do it anyway. I would do it for me. I would, for all that I’ve given for my dreams. I would for all that it could bring, someday.

But I am so scared it will all slip away, and I will have nothing left behind to call my own. I’m scared there will be nothing left of my dreams if I don’t succeed. Sadly, that is all I have left of to dream. I’ve held onto ropes until they’ve burnt my hands. I’m still nowhere close. I am afraid if I had to endure anymore, I might just let go. Consequences be damned, for all I care. But unfortunately, I care. I do care so.

Unfortunately for me, I still hold onto hope.”

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Featured Image by Hillie Chan on Unsplash