I know from experience that saying ‘No’ to certain things and certain people in certain situations is almost impossible. Because we as humans are made to believe that we need to impress everybody around us, and over time it turns into the way we function. Maybe it’s the crushing guilt of letting people down, but saying ‘No’ is difficult for a lot of us.
And even if we do politely refuse, we end up getting roped into doing the very thing we didn’t want to, only because we got guilt-tripped into doing it somehow. One of the first and most important steps of self-care and self-love is to say ‘No’ and say it without letting the guilt get to us.
The first thing you should understand here is that some people are going to find an excuse to be disappointed in you, no matter what you do in life. That’s on them, not you! There is no reason for you to go around feeling guilty about it. You’re allowed to say ‘No’ to certain things, and these are just some of them:
1. Doing a favour to somebody.
You don’t owe anyone anything. Especially when they’re supposed to be doing whatever they asked of you themselves. Maybe you’ve been swamped with work yourself, maybe you simply don’t to invest the time in their work when you could be taking some well-deserved time off, or maybe you just don’t want to spend your time doing things for this person because they treat you horribly. Either way, you’re allowed to turn down their request if you don’t feel like doing somebody else’s work for them.
2. Social ‘obligations’.
Some people will try to make you feel guilty for not attending a party or a get-together. They’ll try to call you a ‘wet blanket’ or a ‘buzzkill’ for not coming to whatever social event you just turned down. But let me tell you that it’s completely okay to not be a social butterfly. It’s okay to stay in with a good Netflix title and simply spend your time at home instead of going to a party and returning home with a throbbing headache. You owe yourself that much.
3. Sharing your details.
I get it! It’s that easy to type somebody’s name in on Google, Twitter or Instagram and find their details. But that’s called being a creepy stalker, my friend. If somebody asks you for details that you’re not comfortable with sharing, you don’t have to! Safety always comes first, and it’s a good thing that you’re not going around sharing your number and social media handle with everybody. It’s okay to keep a low profile sometimes. Might even save you a lot of trouble.
4. Half-assed relationships.
You don’t have to hold on to a relationship (any kind of relationship) where you’re not getting the equal share of things. If you ever feel like you’re always putting in the effort, or that you’re not getting the same amount of dedication back, you’re allowed to put a full-stop to things. You deserve so much more. Everyone does. So if you ever feel like you’re not an equal partner in a relationship, try talking things out and if it doesn’t work, walk away. There’s much better in store for you.
We all have those people in our lives who will come under the guise of an ‘Oh-sweetie’ saying relative or a friend who will do nothing but insult your aspirations, your appearance, your financial status, your romantic choices— basically, anything and everything under the sun that you can be associated to. You’re allowed to put your foot down when it comes to people who cannot show you the same amount of respect that you are forced to show them. Condescending people are definitely toxic and have no place in your life.
6. Contact. Of any kind.
If you don’t like being hugged or talked to when you’re uninterested, that’s completely okay! You have your boundaries that you only let down for certain people. It’s very, very normal! Keep this in mind: nobody can guilt you into letting them talk to you or give you a hug, or touch you when you clearly want nothing to do with them. You’re allowed to say no. Please, please always keep this in mind. You don’t have to be worried about people getting offended just because they cannot respect boundaries.
I really don’t think that enough people talk about how important it is for everyone to be able to say ‘No’ to things that they don’t want to be a part of. It’s just as important a part of self-care as any other, and it’s high time that we all understood the concept and meaning of ‘consent’.
That being said, there are certain ways to politely turn people down, no matter how close they are to you. I’m going to discuss them separately in tomorrow’s post to elaborate further. Nobody should have to give in to something just because people cannot handle the rejection.
You’re entitled to your opinions and decisions, and I’ll say this once again: you definitely don’t owe anybody anything.
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