“One of my biggest regrets as a writer will always be not coherently writing down the ideas I have in my head right before I fall asleep. Those are probably the best ideas that I come up with and I somehow manage to forget all about them the second I wake up.
I fell asleep for fifteen minutes. How is it possible to forget a carefully outlined plot within fifteen minutes? I’ll never know. I can’t even remember the first thing I had in my head when I came up with that particular idea. It’s like my inner eye opens into another realm in the seconds right before I am about to fall asleep.
And, oh, the arrogance of it all! The belief in myself that I most definitely will remember what I came up with when I wake up, when it has already been proven countless times in the past that I am simply not capable of doing so— I wonder where exactly all that confidence even comes from, because I could certainly use some of that for my outside-world persona.
But, of course, there’s always the hope that maybe this is the new day that I will wake up with all of my thoughts still intact. I wonder why it is that I seem to get all of the best ideas right before I fall asleep, as if there aren’t other hours in the day when I am perfectly capable of forming a proper sentence.
And on those rare occasions when I do actually manage to write down my ideas before I fall asleep, they cease to make any sense to me when I go over them after I wake up.
Perhaps it is true that we only have the best thoughts when we aren’t trying too hard. After all, it is unexpectedly easy to find what is supposed to be hard to get. Maybe this is why so many of us had such wonderful ideas back when we were children— we weren’t really trying and that is what made all the difference.
Maybe we’re trying way too hard. Maybe that’s where we’re all going wrong. I wouldn’t know. Trying too hard is almost a reflex, these days. There’s always the nagging feeling at the back of my head that I am not good enough, but that can’t be true, right? Maybe I just need to focus on clearing my head that is currently buzzing with a million thoughts, and I will find it in myself to come up with what could possibly be the next big idea.
Then again, that inner peace is so hard to find when you’re actively looking for it. See how everything just goes around in an endless circle?
But we’ll find it somewhere along the way, for sure. That much, I am certain of. Because there is no way that great ideas just disappear into some kind of a void. They originate from within you and therefore, they must be somewhere within you. You just have to be patient enough.”
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