Out of everything that is going on right now, it’s natural that we’re trying to grasp whatever little happiness we can, in any way possible, because we haven’t had much to actually be happy about lately. For some reason, everything seems very dull right now and I can’t quite put a finger on it, but I’m pretty sure that my feeling uninspired by things that I once loved to do has got something to do with it. I am someone who needs to have at least 3 things going on at any given moment. And apart from writing every day and giving myself the required dose of music that I need for my sanity, I don’t have much going on.
And thinking about that scares me because I feel stuck right now. Yes, I’m trying to learn a new form of art as well as two new languages, but it still feels like I don’t have anything to actually look forward to right now. I realized that in the last week alone, I had binge-read through around 20 different fan-fics. I don’t want to brag or anything, but this is a scary rate of reading. I don’t think I’ve read anything at that pace in a very, very long time. While that seems like a really good thing, it’s just me desperately trying to look for inspiration. It doesn’t matter where it comes from.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this, to be honest. I don’t have a lesson or a story for anybody today. I just want to let you all know that it’s okay to feel lost sometimes. People will tell you that you’re probably just not trying hard enough, or that you need to stop slacking, or something like ‘You need to step up your game’. But that does more harm than good if you ask me. I’ve seen the difference between things that I’ve written when I was actually inspired and the things I wrote simply because I had to try to write something.
Inspiration isn’t something you can pull out of thin air. We’re all trying our best right now, but it’s okay if we don’t feel like giving things our 100% at the moment because we’re all going through stuff. Your feelings are valid and nobody can tell you that everything you’re going through right now is all ‘in your head’ just because society as romanticized and glorified the hell out of burning ourselves out to an unhealthy extent. I don’t know if I’m trying to comfort you or myself by writing this post because I feel like I need to hear this too, so here it is.
Just hang in there. I know that things are really difficult right now and that we are desperately trying to look for happiness in just about anything and everything that we can find right now. But here’s hoping that this will clear out soon, too. I just hope we get to keep our sanity at the end of all this.
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