I should tell you that you’re the living, breathing (although imaginary) version of me that I work so hard to be someday. You are what keeps me going every single time I fall down— you’re always here, right in front of me, looking into my eyes and telling me to pick myself up because I need to run. But you’re always right here when I need somebody, anybody, to tell me that I’m doing okay and I don’t have to be so hard on myself all the time. I don’t exactly know what the equation is here, but I know that you’re who I want to be.
Everyone keeps telling me that the person I want to be and the person I should be are two very different people. But here’s the thing! The person I ‘should’ be is just who my family, society and everybody else in between wants me to be; that’s their perfect version of me. You’re the one I want to be, you’re my perfect version of me. Maybe it’s impossible to be you because you are, after all, a figment of my imagination. But as far as imagination goes, you’ve been a pretty strong presence in my life and the day I am everything that you are would be the day I’ll know that I have truly succeeded.
I’m sure everybody has their own versions of you in their heads, somebody they’re working hard and smart to become one fine day. They all wish they were some version of you, but how many of them are actually willing to do the kind of work that it takes to get there? I think that you’re more about happiness and satisfaction than about the more material aspect of success. Of course, I’d hate to let you down because I’d be letting myself down too! It keeps me grounded. The idea of failing the very person I want to be is, to say the least, terrifying., but even more so if I didn’t make sure that I didn’t do absolutely everything in my power to get there.
It’s funny because the world always tells us that people who talk to themselves are crazy. And yet, everybody does it. It makes sense because personally, I feel like I get the best answers when I’m alone with myself. It’s almost as though the answer has always been inside me and you’ve always been here to show me the way whenever I’ve felt a little lost. And you’ve done it better than everybody else I know because they’ll never know me the same way that you would. Because you are me in some weird alternate universe, but you’re still me.
I’ve got a long way to go before I can be the person you are. I’ve gotta stumble around a little bit and learn my lessons the hard way because nothing ever comes easy. But I feel confident about myself because I have you to remind me when I’m not on the path that’s going to lead me to you— call it conscience or whatever, but I can tell it’s here! I can tell when you’re slipping away from me. It’s like a wake-up call. It’s like that game of hot and cold that we played as kids. As long as as you’re not going cold, we’re good. I promise you I’ll never lose sight of you because, without you, my existence is pretty much meaningless. I wouldn’t know what to do.
Ridiculous that I’m even writing this letter to a figment of my own imagination. But all jokes aside, this is going to remind me to never give up on you and to never stop until I become everything that I know you are, no matter when I read this. Our dreams are the same. The only difference is that you’ve realized them and I’m still working to get there. And I won’t stop until I do. Who knows what else I’m going to learn along the way?
Someone who’s working to get there. Xx
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