I’ll be honest because I have always been transparent and open on this blog with all of you: I do truly love myself. But like any person who is new to the whole self-love thing, I have bad days when I struggle with it too much. Today was one of those days. On a hormonal frenzy, I spent a good 20 minutes crying in the afternoon because I couldn’t deal with the way I thought of myself.
Fortunately, it only lasted for around an hour or so because after that, I was busy shopping and for the first time ever, I actually liked something on me and I thought ‘Huh. That isn’t as bad as I thought,’ and it snapped me back to loving myself and being unapologetic about what I eat, what I wear or how I look. There is no reason for me to think that fulfilling every standard of beauty set by society is what makes me beautiful! Nah.
But there’s something else that happened today that hit me deeply. As I was waiting for the girl in the trial room to come outside, I heard not one, but several women saying some version or the other of ‘I hate the way I look‘ and it straight-up broke my heart. I could feel their emotions when they said that because not too long ago, even I felt that way. I wanted to tell them that they’re all beautiful but I didn’t want anybody to take it the wrong way.
That was a wake-up call, and though it came under extremely unfortunate circumstances, I reeled myself back in and reminded myself of the progress I had made in the last year. I think it was better for me when I hadn’t realized that I had started loving myself because now that I consciously know that I am making progress, I am very much aware, if not even more so, of the bad days when I can hardly stand to look at myself.
And no matter what your glossy magazines and Instagram feed tells you, people have bad days! People have ugly days. People have highs and lows. It’s only human! You cannot blame them for it, you cannot ask them to ‘suck it up’ or ‘pull yourself together’ because you cannot handle their bad days. And you know what? That’s okay. Life is the ugly, imperfect parts too! The sooner we accept that, the better it will be.
It took me some time, and I am not perfect at all because I still am trying to love myself, even on the bad days. But when I look back at the progress I have made in the past year, I feel like I’m doing okay. I deserve a pat on the back for it. I know my worth and I make sure I only keep those people in my life who know it too. And you know what? I love myself! The good parts and the bad parts. They’re all me!
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