As you all know, I’ve been on an up-and-down journey with accepting myself for the way I am. It certainly wasn’t easy; it was more of a roller-coaster, to be exact. I could just as easily tell you guys that I woke up one fine day and everything around me was rosy and nice. But unfortunately, that isn’t the case.
I’ve had bad days where I’ve had to cry myself to sleep in the middle of the day. I’ve had days where I was so numb to everything else around me that I’ve simply let them pass by me. There are times when I can’t remember how an entire week just flew by me, all because I couldn’t see how I could love myself.
All I want to tell you guys is the truth. The entire truth. There were the ugly parts, and then there were the surprisingly liberating parts when all I could do was sort myself out. I pieced myself together and started focusing on how to get better; on how to not be so mean to myself because if I can’t respect myself enough, I cannot expect it of anybody else either.
What I learnt after I caught myself slipping into a terrible case of self-loathing is that it was high time that I started accepting the package that I came in. It wasn’t that the rest of the world couldn’t appreciate me for the way I am; the problem was me. I was being too hard on myself because I didn’t like the way I had let myself go.
I don’t know what hit me— maybe it was the fact that my friends call me the ‘boss lady’ sometimes, or maybe because I’ve always felt like I’d do well as the Alpha in the group. I just decided that it was time to live up to these expectations; I was curious about how my perspective of myself would shift. I daresay I was pleasantly surprised. I began looking at myself in a completely different light.
It hasn’t even been an entire year since I started loving myself in my own true skin, and I cannot tell you how many toxic habits I’ve dropped one by one since then. Toxic people, eating habits, the way I look at the world, right down to letting people dump all of their drama on my head. I realized how some of it was entirely unfair to myself, and that it was okay if I chose myself over everyone else occasionally.
I’m not going to instil any kind of false hopes in you because self-love and self-care work in different ways for everybody. We’re all as unique as snowflakes: similar from a distance, but so, so intricately different when you look a little deeper. Take some time out for yourself. No matter how you choose to piece yourself back together, figure out what works best for you.
There will obviously be a parade of people who will love and accept you for who you are even if you really can’t. I’ve seen that happen firsthand. But unless and until you choose to love yourself, I can promise you that you’re missing out on so much of the beauty that lies inside of you. There is a whole world of surprises that you can give yourself and you don’t even know about it.
So, if you’re struggling with loving yourself, just like I did with myself, or if you have it worse, I can promise you that you’re going to get out of this, one day at a time. You’re going to survive this storm that you’re going through. And when you come out the other end, you’re going to end up squeaky clean, with a brand new perspective.
Of course, Rome wasn’t built in a day! So, if you think you’re a mess right now, think of the caterpillar that becomes a butterfly; it literally turns to slime before it can reform into a butterfly. Keep going. You’re just in that stage where everything around you is goop. With a little bit of help on your end, I’m pretty sure you’re going to love the amazing person that I’m sure you are.
Sending you all the warm hugs and positive vibes you need to get through!
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Featured Image by Brandon Woelfel.