Oh boy! Long story short, if I had to say anything about 2014 me, I’d say that she was a dumb, naive kid. If I met her today, I’d probably be yelling at her like a disappointed, pissed off mentor because of all the stupid choices I made back in the day. I don’t exactly regret any of them, but I can tell you that I would have been a lot less messed up in the head if I had listened to what my parents had to say.
Moral of the story: listen to your parents when they tell you that some people are bad news; they can sense that kind of stuff from miles away and you do not want to second guess them the way I did. Didn’t turn out well and it wasn’t worth all the time I took to get back to being somewhat like myself.
5 years later, I’m definitely older, a lot wiser than I would have been if I wasn’t forced to go through some of the rubbish that my extremely dear (absolutely not; they’re the Devil incarnate!) high school batchmates hadn’t piled on me, and I am a lot more aware of what’s good for me and what isn’t. I’m a lot more confident and independent than my 2014 self ever was at any point of time, and I think that’s pretty damn amazing.
Then again, if I hadn’t gone through everything I did, I probably wouldn’t be here right now, at least not in the exact same place. To quote one of my favourite lines from The Vampire Diaries ‘Our actions are what set things in motions, but we have to live with that.’ Our lives wouldn’t be the same today if we hadn’t made those choices a long time back, no matter how good or bad they were.
So I had the option to either keep fixating over whatever Hell I was put through or move on and show those suckers who they messed with, and we all know that I chose the latter because I wouldn’t be here writing this to you otherwise. I got my act together and decided to do the one thing that made me the happiest, and that is writing. Hands-down. That’s one of the things that hasn’t changed over time.
I’m definitely a lot more creative now that I have an outlet and a platform where I have people supporting my art. I think that I have come a long way from hiding my poetry journal because some idiot told me that it wasn’t cool to write poems, to having a blog where I share almost everything that I write. That’s a major glow-up in itself.
A lot can change in 5 years. People can turn into a completely different person, change almost everything about themselves, but I think I’m glad to have grown into myself. Maybe I am a lot more stubborn than I used to be before. But I’m still the wide-eyed girl with big dreams and way too many ideas to fit into my little head. I still love the things that I had forgotten to enjoy for a while, like singing and painting. The only difference is that I know exactly what to do with the ideas in my head now.
But the one change that I will forever be proud of is how much I love myself now. How much I cherish my health, my peace of mind, my ambitions, my relationship with those around me— all the things that matter the most in life. I have also started taking better care of myself after letting myself go for a long, long time.
I think that I’m on the right track to achieving everything I wanted from life at the moment, but only time will tell. How have you changed in the last 5 years? Do you like the person you’ve become? Grab a notebook and start writing if you feel like joining me on this road to self-discovery. You never know, you might end up being more self-aware with every passing day.
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