Just out of curiosity, I checked out a few books on self-love from the self-help section and to nobody’s surprise at all, none of these books had the same perspective. It has only reaffirmed my belief that not everybody looks at self-love and self-care. Some books talked about mental health, some talked about work-outs and diet regime, others about self-love practices that could help just a little bit.
But one thing that caught my eye particularly was that none of them had a myth-busting section. Most of what we common folk know about self-love comes from whatever our friends or the internet have taught us. And because its ramifications on mental and emotional health are a new concept, some too many people call it ‘a phase’ or ‘a desperate act for attention’ because they cannot understand why practising self-love is important.
So, here are a few myths busted about self-love:
Myth #1: Life will be perfect once I learn how to love myself.
Oh, honey! Self-love doesn’t work that way. You don’t magically wake up one fine day and say, ‘Hey, you know what? I am finally comfortable in my own skin. I love myself for who I am and for who I will become.‘ It’s a gradual and excruciatingly painful process. And yes, maybe your life won’t be as bad as it used to be when you couldn’t love yourself. Maybe you’ll still have bad days where you don’t feel like looking into the mirror, days when you can’t rely on anyone because you feel like you’re piling all of your drama on them. But, let me tell you this: even though life won’t be completely ‘perfect’ even after you learn to love yourself, you will be stronger, smarter and braver whenever you need to be.
Myth #2: Self-love is selfish.
Yes and no. First of all, it is completely okay to be selfish sometimes. For instance, when it comes down to your peace of mind and your friend hitting you up with the same old drama because she did the exact opposite of what you advised her to do, you do not have to put in the time or effort because you already know how it’s all going to end. Secondly, self-love is about the most important relationship in your life, the only one you’ll take with you to the very end— the one with yourself. So give me one good reason why you shouldn’t invest time and money in your own well-being, I’ll wait. If anybody ever calls you selfish for loving yourself, just know that they’re probably just bitter because you don’t give them the same importance, and that speaks volumes.
Myth #3: You can’t practice self-love until you’ve achieved your goals.
No. That’s not how it works. You cannot neglect yourself and your needs and hope to achieve your goals successfully. Picture this: you somehow pull yourself together enough to achieve everything that you ever wanted in life, but there’s still something missing even though you have everything you could have ever dreamt of and more. That ‘something missing‘ is your love and appreciation for yourself. Without a sound and healthy mind or body, your achievements will mean nothing because you are trying to find the happiness that can only spring from within. So don’t set self-love aside for your goals; there’s plenty of room for both.
Myth #4: Self-love can lead to weaker relationships.
Oh, how I laugh at this statement! If anybody ever says this to you, run. Run away from them in the opposite direction, as far as you can. I say this because the only people who will tell you that self-love will make relationships weaker are the people who want to belittle you every chance they get just so that they can make themselves feel better. If anything, having a strong sense of self-love and self-worth in a relationship can make the really good and worthy relationships work for the better, and not for the worse. Remember that.
Myth #5: Self-love means that you’d settle for less.
On the contrary, self-love means that you’ll never settle for anything less than what you think you truly deserve. It means that you’re aware of your own worth and you know exactly how you want the people around you to treat you. This myth might have originated from the notion that you can be happy with less. But that’s not the case with self-love; you can never love yourself too much because, despite everything, you still have bad days that make you want to bury your head in the sand and forget about everything else. If anything, self-love enables you to power through it all.
So, I hope you find this useful. Today happens to be the last day of my writing about self-care/ self-love for now. I have a very interesting topic in mind which also happens to be an activity that I would love all of you to join me in doing. I will reveal the theme/ activity for the next month tomorrow. You all can keep up with me on my socials, links to which are given below!
Let’s all learn and grow together!
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